I have been remiss in my duty to log my search and progress these last couple of weeks. I acquired not one, but 2 new jobs and have been swamped by new schedules and double training. Cause for both celebration and concern, my new jobs will relieve a bit of the financial starvation I have been feeling, but not my hunger for true satisfaction, fulfillment and a sense of accomplishment or adequacy, let alone success.
I am grateful for the jobs, incredibly grateful, however I can’t shake the concern that they are simply additional notches on my “jobhopper” belt in the eyes of future potential hiring managers. Though I am told one looks more desirable to employers when one is already employed, I can’t help but wonder at the truth of that when the current jobs are “fillers.” The positions in which I am working are low-level, low-skill, and low responsibility and I do not feel they support my credibility as candidate for excellence in a demanding career. Not only that, but I am forced to hold two such jobs to feed my landlord and my light bill (nevermind myself!). So I am up to 28 jobs now, looking less stable than ever.
Therefore I am both happy and disheartened by these new developments. I know that I need to focus carefully on the happy feelings and hold myself firm against the frustrations because I am walking the edge above a slippery slope of negativity – the despair, however illogical, of feeling defeated, of feeling that this, THIS!, is all I can achieve. I know that’s not true, I know that I will, eventually, find my Job. I have to keep believing that.